Twas the Night Before Christmas
by Nightmares Walk
Summary: Xigbar's take on the classic "Twas the Night Before Christmas." Merry. Christmas, hope you enjoy it. Read and review, please!


TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

"The Night Before Christmas" is by Henry Livingston. Kingdom Hearts is owned by Disney and Square Enix.

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It was Christmas Eve at The World That Never Was, and as usual at this day, they'd go to bed earlier than usual so Santa could go about his job undisturbed. Why? On the orders of Xemnas, of course.

"Santa has commitment to his duties, and we don't need to bother him." He had said.

Oh, all the snickers and incredulous looks he got for that because, well… How old was he? And why did he still believe in Santa?

Now, Xigbar and Xaldin sat on the armrests of the couch, drinking spiked eggnog while Luxord slept, totally drunk and oblivious on the cushions. Demyx, who sat by the fire with Roxas and Axel kept looking toward the chimney expectantly, as if Santa would pop down any minute.

"Dem, you know that Santa's not real, right?" Xigbar asked before draining his glass of eggnog.

"Yes he is!" Demyx replied indignantly, folding his arms over his chest.

"Don't be like that. It's Christmas Eve!" Roxas scolded him.

"Yeesh. Okay, okay. How 'bout I tell you a Christmas story, then?" Xigbar grinned, showing pointy teeth.

"Okay." Demyx replied, looking up at Xigbar expectantly. "But it better not be like last year when you told us about how your grandma got run over by Santa."

Xigbar took a deep breath before starting.

"'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the castle  
Not a creature was stirring, not even this asshole--" He pointed to the drunk Luxord who was sprawled on the couch.

"--The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,  
In hopes that Saint Nicholas soon would be there;

Marluxia was all snug and nestled in his bed,  
While I took some paintballs and shot at his head;

And Marluxia in his anger, woke from his nap,  
Rolled out of his bed and smacked me with fruity gift wrap,

While out on the room I was being chased,  
We turned into the living room and were surprised who we faced.

It was a fat man in a big, red suit,  
With a big white beard and black leather boot.

And a weird red hat with a fluff ball on end.  
Why it was there, I couldn't comprehend,

In his large hands, he was holding a sack,  
What did I think was in it? Probably crack,

He pulled out a wrapped present the color of pee,  
Before bending over and shoving it under the tree.

Marly and I watched and waited for him to get done,  
While I quickly and quietly loaded my gun;

'Don't shoot!' Marly hissed 'That's Santa out there!'  
I simply frowned and continued to stare.

Once he had finished and wiped his wet brow  
And Marluxia stayed hidden up until now

He walked to the man who turned right around,  
And he frowned at the man that he had found.

It was Marly with his hair of bright pink,  
Who came up behind him faster than a blink.

'Young man,' he said 'Why aren't you asleep?  
Couldn't you have just stayed back up in your keep?'

'I was, but you can tell there's a paintball stain on my shirt,  
And I've gotta tell ya, those fuckers do hurt.'

Santa smiled kindly and grabbed up the plate and the glass,  
He drained the milk and ate cookies before he moved his fat ass;

He headed for the hearth and gave Marly a wink,  
Before he zoomed up the chimney, away from the man of pink.

With a clatter of hooves and a whole bunch of noise,  
Saint Nick departed with his sack full of toys.

I got out of hiding from within the dark hall,  
And went into the living room with its presents and all;

To my stocking on the mantle I silently did stroll,  
And was disappointed when I pulled out a lump of black coal.

'I'm just one lump short of a mine,' I angrily groaned  
'Next year, I'm going to have that old fat man stoned.'

'Don't be like that,' Marly said with a grin,  
'I got what I wanted.' He said, raising his chin.

'Yeah, whatever.' I growled at the man,  
Who pulled out a red bottle of spray-on tan;

And right then and there in the dark and the gloom,  
I trudged off to my cold and desolate room,

Then I got into bed and pulled up the sheets,  
And turned off the light after eating some sweets;

And with the sound of sleigh bells high in the air,  
Out my window at Saint Nick I did stare

And I heard him exclaim as dark turned to light,  
_'Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.'"_

"That story sucked." Xaldin growled, taking a swig of his drink.

"Hey! I don't see you telling any Christmas stories!" Xigbar retorted, glaring at Xaldin.

Before the fight could escalate into anything else, Xemnas stepped into the living room.

"Go to bed, all of you." He commanded before disappearing in a dark corridor.

And they all obeyed, leaving Xaldin and Xigbar to carry Luxord up to his room.

THE END

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I made this after Christmas last year, and I decided to upload it here. I hope you guys like it. Review, please!


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